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Explained by a chemistry student


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Hell explained by a chemistry student

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington

chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it

with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the

pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic

(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas

cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we

need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at

which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul

gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how

many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that

exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their

religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these

religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can

project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect

the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the

rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in

order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume

of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls

enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all

Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in

Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year

that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take

into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two

must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already

frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it

follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,

extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a

divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my

God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

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